Identifying Your Limiting Patterns Part 2
We have absorbed the information that we aren’t “doing it right” or “applying ourselves” subconsciously over the years, whether we noticed it or not. Your mindset of hearing these things and thinking they are true, even subconsciously, has created certain patterns of actions and thoughts. I refer to these as “thinking traps”, they’re counterproductive thought patterns that arise from our unique brain’s natural responses to inputs over the years. In other words, it’s a mindset that often develops when you grow up neurodivergent. There are two main “thinking traps” that are extremely important to be aware of if you are looking to make positive changes in your life. Breaking these patterns and replacing them with healthier ones will enable you to open your mind to the possibilities of what your life could become.
Thinking traps become lenses through which we view the world. They influence our decisions and beliefs about ourselves, without any conscious effort. Your actions are driven by your thought patterns, which are subconsciously driven by your beliefs about your identity. Your brain does this in the background, looking at all the evidence about what kind of person it thinks you are and creates default patterns and habits around that. What I’ve learned from researching this process is that if you ever want to change the things you do, you must change the things you think. If you ever want to change the things you think, you must change the way you see yourself.
The number 1 most important factor that shapes whether we will successfully follow through with a change in our lives is whether we identify with it or simply try to force it. Most of us seek to change the results, or outcomes of this process first. You say to yourself “I’m going to wake up early every day next week”, to which your brain says “No you are not, you aren’t a morning person”. If we focus more on change as something or someone we are becoming, such as becoming a morning person it will be much easier to make it happen. We will discuss this process more later on, but for now just remember to frame your changes as something you’d like to work on becoming, rather than a task you’d like to complete.
The first thinking trap, and the most important one to break free from, is the belief that you need to make yourself more like a neurotypical person. You do not need to force yourself to think and act like a neurotypical person because you aren’t one, and never will be. No matter how hard you try, your brain will never work that way, and that is perfectly okay, great even, because it’s not meant to.
You are not broken, and you do not need to be fixed.
The goal of this book is not to give you the ability to fit in, it’s to celebrate the reasons that you don’t. Trying to make yourself act as if you aren’t neurodivergent is a recipe for disaster, it’s called “Masking” and it’s never going to work. You are not meant to do things the same way, because your brain does not work that way. The best thing that you could do for yourself to make your life more fulfilling, happy, and satisfying is to understand how your brain works and learn to operate within that environment. Instead of forcing yourself to be something or someone you’re not meant to be, learn how you can embrace the things that you are meant to be. It goes back to something I mentioned in the previous chapter and will continue to remind you of – “How can you play the game if you don’t know the rules or the score?” If you don’t understand how your brain operates, what motivates it, what its strengths and weaknesses are, then how do you know that what you’re doing isn’t making things harder for you? How could you possibly ever use your strengths to your advantage if you don’t even know what they are?
If you continue to try and make your brain into something it’s not, you are doomed to spend your life in constant internal conflict. When you are in conflict with your sense of self, you feel uneasy, stressed, and unsettled. You may feel a persistent “fight or flight” response that you can’t seem to shake. You feel lost, burned out, and defeated, like there’s no point in living life anymore. You feel like you will never be able to do things right, and giving up becomes the path of least resistance. I know this because I have felt it myself. I have been to the point of thinking that I will never be able to accomplish a single goal, that nobody will care about me or want me around anymore, that I should just give up on life. This is why it’s so important to understand that you have a different set of rules to follow. If you’re trying to play baseball with a basketball, then of course you’re going to fail!
This is not to say that you cannot be successful or lead a fulfilling life, quite the opposite in fact. If you always try to do what everyone else does, the same way they do it, then you will get lost in the mix. If you embrace what makes you different, and use your unique qualities to your advantage, then you will set yourself apart. The best thing you can do for your own happiness is to accept that you are different and acknowledge that this is a good thing, because it means you are not failing. I encourage you to start thinking of this as a great and wonderful thing! Being different is amazing, you are capable of things that many people would be envious of, and that should be celebrated!
Thanks as always for reading,
Aaron Frank
