Identifying Your Limiting Patterns Part 4

An important thinking trap that we need to free ourselves from is living reactively instead of intentionally and proactively. The best way I can explain it is this: what’s the first thing that pops into your head when I ask “Why do you work?” Did you answer with something like “Because I need money?” Okay, then why do you need money? Because you need it to live, pay your bills and eat? These are not wrong answers, but they are examples of thinking reactively. If you are caught in the thinking trap of living reactively, you will almost always answer this kind of question with something that addresses the immediate physical need, rather than any long term values or goals.

These immediate physical needs are often our motivation for why we do what we do. It’s why we choose to go to college, pursue a certain career, work our way up the corporate ladder, and so many other things. We need money, and we feel an obligation to do these things to get more of it. We do this from a position of being “behind the 8 ball”. As we’re playing catch up, we simply react to the circumstances so we can get out from under whatever is weighing us down. Maybe the situation is you don’t want to live with roommates or at your parents house anymore. Maybe it’s that you want to afford to get a dog or go on vacation. You might just want the peace of mind that if your car breaks, you’ll be able to fix it without rearranging your entire monthly budget.

It's okay to want these things, but the issue lies in how we try to get there. Instead of proactively solving the problem that would create the lifestyle we want, we react to the immediate need and put a band-aid on it. Instead of taking real action to change the circumstances that make you have to live at home, we just look for the first and quickest way out of there, not understanding that we might be causing a problem later down the road. We try to squeeze some watered-down version of the freedom and lifestyle that we truly desire into the life we’re stuck in, never really knowing what’s out there if we took the time to intentionally seek it.

Instead of chasing our true goals and dreams, we get so disheartened by the circumstances we’re in that we water them down and try to just take a sip or two. It gives us a glimpse of the life we really want, while keeping us stuck in the “I wish it could be me” mindset. We keep trudging along, doing whatever we need to stay where we are, never really thinking about what it takes to get to where we want to be. For many people, that’s enough, and if you’re happy with your life as it is then it might be enough for you too. I’m not judging you for that, finding happiness where you are is a key concept I believe in wholeheartedly.

But if you feel like I do, doesn’t living that way drive you absolutely insane? Doesn’t it frustrate you that there’s a whole wide world out there just begging to be explored, art to be made, lives to be changed, and you’re stressed out about whether someone can take your shift on Thursday? Doesn’t it infuriate you that life is calling you to make your own way, but you’re stuck in the office sucking up to corporate and working overtime because if you don’t you won’t be able to make your rent payment?

If you identify even remotely with those feelings, then you might have fallen into the trap of simply reacting to your situation instead of proactively and intentionally living your life the way YOU want to live it. You’re designing your needs around your circumstances, rather than designing your circumstances around your needs. Instead of figuring out what makes you happy, fulfilled, or even just less miserable and working out a way to do that long term, you’re doing what everyone thinks is best and trying to eke out some enjoyment from it. This is never going to work, because you’re not working towards what would make you happy or fulfilled. You’re taking what comes and hoping it makes you happy, that’s not a good strategy if you ever want to enjoy your life. Not to mention, there are many people who have followed the “right” path all the way only to find out that it wasn’t what they expected…

Thanks as always for reading,

Aaron Frank